In the long and tumultuous days of the past, the Vikings sailed the distant seas, plundered and explored new territories, leaving behind a legacy of adventure and courage.
We wanted to bring you a little closer to that period by means of some Viking jokes that will make you laugh while you imagine these mythical figures in some less warlike poses.
Ragnar the Terrible enters a bar and orders a drink.
While he was sitting there, a fly landed in his beard.
He plucks it calmly, throws it on the counter and shouts: “One more pint and keep the flies away this time!”
Two dikings fight on a drakkar.
One shouted: “I bet I can jump off this boat and swim back to shore!”
The other laughs: “I don’t think you can do that!”
The first Viking jumps in and starts swimming.
After a moment, a head emerges from the water.
“Hey! Can you throw me a paddle? I forgot how cold the water is!”
A young Viking asks his father: “Dad, is it true that Valhalla has an endless feast?”
The father replies: “That’s right, son. You can eat all you want, forever!” The boy’s eyes widen. “Wow! What if I get fed up?”
The father shrugs his shoulders: “Then you wait your turn at the table again, like everyone else, and in the meantime, you read Viking jokes to pass the time more easily.”
Why were the Vikings so dangerous?
Because they believed in Valhalla
Who is the most popular Viking character?
Ragnar Lothbrook
I’m wondering why?
Funny Viking Jokes
What is the basic specialty of the Vikings?
The fight
What does an authentic Viking look like?
Simple, you see him at a barber shop.
He has a beard and big hair, or not at all.
Why did the Vikings conquer other peoples?
Because they were tired of fighting each other
How do the Vikings end up looking so good?
I do hard work
Why do the Vikings look so good?
Because he fights often
How did the Vikings get to other people?
By boat on the water
What jokes were the Vikings making?
Do you want to fight now or in the future?
What is the favorite food of the Vikings
Mushrooms
How do the Vikings have fun? Dance, drink, eat with gusto and eat mushrooms.
Viking jokes and riddles
What’s big, with muscles, a beard and a sword in his hand?
A Viking
How does a Viking celebrate his birthday?
With friends
Dirty Viking jokes
How do Vikings fight?
In the mud and getting dirty
In what countries were there Vikings?
Denmark, Sweden and Finland
Where is it today?
Still there
Why were the Vikings joking?
Because they had a deadly sense of humor
What were the Vikings’ favorite animals?
Ravens, crows and wolves
Which is your favorite movie?
Vikings!
Where else do you meet a Viking today?
Most likely at the museum
What were the Vikings’ favorite weapons?
Common sense and communication
What was their favorite sport?
Throwing with the ax
What is the favorite diet of the Vikings?
Of course, the paleo diet and carnivore diet
Why were the Vikings so strong?
Because they worked the land and went to the gym in nature
A Valkyria interviews potential warriors for Valhalla.
He looks at a frail candidate and asks, “So, how many enemies have you killed?” The Viking puffed out his chest and boasted: “A hundred!” Valkyria raised an eyebrow.
“A hundred? That seems a bit much for Valhalla.”
The Viking shrugged: “Well, they were all very big enemies, and I killed them by making them laugh by telling them Viking jokes.”
A bard enters a tavern and announces: “I have prepared a song about a mighty Viking who conquered a dragon!”
A grumpy Viking in the bar slams his glass and says: “There are no dragons in Scandinavia!”
The bard shrugged, “Well, then, this song is about a very confused sheep. Or do you prefer some Viking jokes?”
A group of Vikings shipwreck on an island.
One groans: “It’s terrible! There’s no food, no weapons, no loot!”
Another Viking grins: “Relax! At least we now have a captive audience for our stories!”
For connoisseurs… Viking jokes
One morning, in a village of Viking warriors, on the morning call, their commander, after greeting his subjects, says to them:
Guys, as you know, this week, we will start crossing the seas to find new territories.
But, before that, I have good and bad news for you. I’ll start with the bad one.
– We don’t have a day for everything we have to do, a Viking complains, tired of so many expeditions and wars that they never end.
– Make the most of all 24 hours, the commander roars, and if you do not arrive, I permit you to work longer at night…
– Viking Olaf, if through our expeditions we reach a land where all the wells are infected, what do we do?
– A Viking never despises the commander: we will invent beer and quench our thirst!
Best Viking Jokes
Odin enters a library and asks the librarian for books on war strategies.
The librarian whispers: “Those are in the restricted section. You need a password.”
Odin strokes his beard thoughtfully. “Password? Hmmm… How about Rrrrrrr?”
A Viking blacksmith hammers on an anvil as a farmer approaches.
“Excuse me,” says the farmer, “Can you make me a horseshoe?”
The blacksmith laughs mockingly: “Horseshoes? I make weapons for battle, not fancy coverings for the hooves of farm animals!”
The farmer whispers, “Okay, so can you just sharpen my pencil?”
A young Viking asks his grandfather: “Grandfather, what was it like to be a feared raider?”
Grandpa smiles and says, “Well, most of the time it was just a lot of rowing and water…”
A group of Vikings are captured by a rival clan.
Their chief is brought before the enemy leader. “Prepare to meet your end!” declared the enemy leader.
The Viking leader shrugged, “Fine by me. Just make sure you have something good to eat in Valhalla. I hear the traveling rations are pretty bland.”
After being involved in a skirmish battle, the Vikings emerged victors.
To mark this moment festively, their commander permits them to spend the next day having fun as they know best.
Said and done: jokes, old-fashioned songs, and finally, all the dishes.
The next day he ordered all those who got drunk the day before to leave the band. No one dares to take a step forward.
The commander again ordered them to step in front of drunk people. The band comes out shy, a bitter Viking, only skin and bone.
– Good job! says the commander. We two will go, the rest to the frames, the cattle, we are going home!
Q: How does a Viking pull his sword out of the well?
A: Summer.
Viking barbie meme
Maybe there are just a few Viking jokes, but they will make you laugh.
Then, later, you will become a fan of Vikings jokes.
Only a little, and you will convince yourself.
The Viking commander to the subordinate who had something to say:
– Sven! When you talk to me, shut up!
The leader asks the Viking soldiers:
– Who wants to come with me today in the battle car?
He sends two, and the commander takes them to the car.
Then to the others:
– You rest, come on foot!
The commander sees a Viking with fur over his head in the post.
– In all my life, I have never seen a Viking who would be afraid of rain.
– I’m not afraid either. I’m furry.
Best Viking jokes
A group of tourists walks through a Viking museum and admires shining armor.
One of the tourists asks the guide: “Were these Vikings really that tall?”
The guide smiles enigmatically: “Not necessarily. It’s just that their helmet was a bit big.”
A Viking walks into a fishing shop and asks for the sharpest sword they have.
The salesman raises an eyebrow: “Swords are not very good for fishing…”
The Viking gave a nasty look: “I don’t catch fish…”
Two Vikings sit on the shore and watch a storm at sea.
One turns to the other and says, “Do you think we should postpone our robbery?”
The other laughs: “True Vikings are not afraid of storms. Only the gods are afraid of our fury!”
A young Viking brags to his friends: “I saw the biggest troll in the world!”
Another Viking laughs: “Ha! I fought the biggest troll in the world!” The wise old man of the village smiles: “Children, you know nothing. I saw my wife upset.”
There is no domain, people, race, occupation, or anything else, about which there are no jokes.
So then, why wouldn’t there be Viking jokes?
Even though there are not many, there are enough jokes with the Viking to please everyone.
True connoisseurs think these Viking jokes are completely and utterly special, which is why they are so rare.
Did you know that there are Viking jokes?
If not, no problem.
You can read Viking jokes a little above because then you will be among those who appreciate them.