Relationships can be full of sweet and romantic moments, but let’s be honest, couples often end up in at least funny situations.
Especially when the couple consists of two women.
We have also prepared some lesbian jokes that capture the essence of life as a couple, with all the related teasing.
We support everyone and want to have a good time today with these jokes.
Do you know at least one or two lesbian jokes?
We added a few of them to that page to make you laugh.
Even lesbians have not escaped the “needle” of those who love to joke.
Therefore, in addition to gay jokes, we have many funny lesbian jokes.
We also present some of them, mentioning that we do not want to be categorized as misogynistic or completely devoid of a sense of humor.
Why did a lesbian cross the road?
To show all the men that she can do something on her own!
What do you call a lesbian couple that jogs together?
A headache for both!
Why did one of the lesbians go fishing with her mother-in-law?
Because he wanted to have a quiet day!
Why did the lesbian couple who was obsessed with cleanliness break up?
They couldn’t agree on who should throw the trash!
Wife 1: “Let me see your phone.”
Wife 2: “Sure honey, but why?”
Wife 1: “Because I haven’t found anything suspicious so far and it’s starting to worry me.”
What does a lesbian in bed say?
Alas, but how much you look like your sister!
Wife to husband:
– Dear, what would you say if I confessed to you one day that I slept with your best friend?
– I’d say you’re a lesbian.
Funny lesbian jokes
– Yes, George, do you know that your classmates, Joana and Clara, are lesbians?
– I did not know. How did you find out?
I told them to have love, and they refused me!
On a TV show, a lesbian couple is asked by the moderator
– How do you keep marital harmony?
– As in the case of marriages between a man and a woman, through reciprocity:
When the wife is nervous, I keep quiet and read lesbian jokes. Then, conversely: I shut up and read lesbian jokes when my wife is nervous!
On a bench in the park, a couple is passionately kissing. At one point, a gentleman sits beside them, staring at the woman. Eventually, the person they are kissing no longer supports them and breaks out:
“I haven’t mentioned so much naughtiness!”
So what, haven’t you seen two lesbians kissing on a bench in the park? Retrograde!
– I’m very sorry, it wasn’t my intention to bother you, but I still have to ask my wife for the key to the house because I came home from work and I’m tired!
Wife 1: “Honey, I’ve lost 2 kilos!”
Wife 2: “Wow, that’s great! But I already told you those new jeans look great on you.”
Wife 1: “Thanks, dear. But I sold them yesterday.”
Wife 1: “Why are you always silent?”
Wife 2: “Because every time I try to talk, you cut me off.”
Wife 1: “It’s not true!”
Wife 2: …See?
Wife 1: “I liked this romantic movie.”
Wife 2: “Me not. It was too predictable.”
Wife 1: “But it was a beautiful love story!”
Wife 2: “Well, yes, but I knew they would make up from the trailer, so I read some new lesbian jokes during the movie.”
Wife 1: “What are we eating tonight?”
Wife 2: “Whatever you want, honey.”
Wife 1: “Don’t play, choose something!”
Wife 2: “Restaurant? Shall we order pizza?”
Wife 1: “But I bought all the ingredients for the pasta.”
Wife 2: “Perfect, then we order pizza!”
Dirty lesbian jokes
Why is a lesbian kiss so good?
Because she kisses dirty
How will a lesbian meet a man?
With a flower
Why are some peoples so dirty?
They don’t wash frequently.
What kind of chocolate do lesbians hate?
All assortments contain nuts.
What hand condition affects lesbians the most?
Arthritis.
Why do most lesbians hate sports?
Because most of them involve the use of balls.
What does any lesbian want for Christmas?
Mrs. Christmas.
What is a lesbian’s favorite ballet?
The Nutcracker.
Lesbian pick up jokes
How do you pick up a lesbian?
With a joke
What are the best pickup lines for a lesbian?
Hello, I am gay
Hello woman. I think you are my soul mate.
Oh, you just want to pick me.
No, of course
Two girls at a bar
Hello, how are you?
I’ve been waiting for you all my life.
– How should she be the ideal mistress for lesbians?
– To have a long tongue and to hold his breath as long as possible!
A guy says to his friend:
You know, I think my lesbian neighbors misunderstood me when they gave me a pair of glasses as a gift because I told them I’d like to be able to see them for my birthday. Closer.
A guy complains at work that from his window, you can see a room where there were two lesbians, because of which he can’t normally live and work.
The commission comes, looks out the window and sees nothing. Upset, I tell the guy:
– Well, you can’t see anything!
– But get them in the closet to see if you still believe that!
Between two lesbian friends: Surprisingly, I often fantasize about being with two men at once! one to cook for me, the other to wash my dishes!
Lesbian dinosaur joke
Was the dinosaur lesbian?
We don’t know, but we can make some funny jokes.
The dinosaur woman meets another one in the forest.
Hello, I want to meet my love and am searching now.
Great, I am, yes, but you are a woman.
So what?
What does a dinosaur say to a lesbian?
Do you want me to eat you?
We hope that these lesbian jokes make you laugh. For more jokes, search for gay jokes, which are also funny.
Lesbian jokes, for when you want to relax the atmosphere
You can always relax in the atmosphere with a few good benches if you have open-minded friends.
This list also includes some lesbian jokes, making you laugh out loud. Don’t you believe us?
Then read them, and you will convince yourself!
– Friend, what happened to your eyes?
You have a pretty nasty wound!
– Last night, I fought for a girl!
– With whom?
– With my wife!
Two lesbians were walking down the street tenderly, holding each other’s waists.
At one point, a blonde who looked simply perfect appeared in front of them with provocative shapes that caught your eye.
The two guys looked at her until she turned the corner, after which one of them sighed:
– What a shame, dear, that we are not lesbians!
At night, at a police station, the phone rang:
– This is the Casablanca bar. Come quickly because homosexuals are fighting with lesbians!
Duty Officer:
– Oh, at least this time, I hope ours will win.
What does a woman do when she stares at a blank paper?
Read the most inspiring lesbian jokes!
– How is the perfect woman defined?
– A dumb nymphomaniac lesbian whose father is the owner of a bar and a football club
What would women do if men disappeared from the face of the earth?
He would tame another animal, and in his spare time, he would read successful lesbian jokes!
Between two lesbians:
– Listen, even though we are lesbians, you should know that I often fantasize about what it would be like to be with two men at once:
One to cook for me, the other to wash my dishes!
What does a lesbian bride say to herself after the wedding night?
God, I was so inspired that I didn’t throw away the vibrator yet…
– You loved?
– Not.
– How is it possible that a woman as beautiful as you does not have a boyfriend?
– My wife won’t leave me.
What is the difference between a lesbian and a married woman?
– Girl, what’s that “lesbian”?
– I don’t have time now.
I have to repair the carburetor.
Wait for yours to come home from work, and she will explain.
– The lesbian comes home, looks in the fridge, and notices nothing delicious inside, so she finally goes to bed.
– The married woman comes home, looks at the bed, and notices nothing is appetizing.
Hence, she hurriedly goes to the fridge, where she eats a slice of cake while reading lesbian jokes.
Two friends were talking. One of them tells the other.
– Girl, we’ve known each other for a long time, but I must tell you something.
I have two pieces of news for you, one good, one bad.
– Say!
– Which one do you want first?
– Combine them!
– Your wife is cheating on both of us!
Discussion in a lesbian couple. She accuses him:
– You only think about love always, whenever, wherever, however much!
But, you know, I also need a little attention!
The next day, the partner enters the door and shouts:
– Attention! See, I’m coming!
What does a lesbian mean by helping you clean?
Raise his legs so that you can use the vacuum cleaner better…
Funny lesbian jokes, but no offense!
Among the most appreciated jokes, which always bring a big smile to the face of those who listen to them, are also those lesbian jokes, which are not offensive at all.
So, to convince you, we have some funny lesbian jokes for you, which you may not have known until now!
After lengthy research, British scientists have reached a truly surprising conclusion. Women who are allergic to eggs become lesbians!
– Mom, what is that “lesbian”?
– I don’t have time now. You can only see me hurrying to finish cooking. Wait for your brother to come home from work; she will explain better.
A guy asked me one day what I think about lesbians and how I see them.
“Usually in HD or on a laptop”, I answered.
I bought an electronic watch.
A lesbian tells her friend.
– Why? Was the old clock no longer working?
– Yes, but I’m a bit tired of languages. Now I want numbers.
Two lesbians were also in the thick of the activity.
– My dear, take off your glasses because you’re hurting me!
-Instead, you should caress the sheet more.
Two lesbians were walking hand in hand on the street.
At one point, a sexy girl passes by them. One of the lesbians says:
– What long legs the girl has!
– Aha!
– And what breasts! They can be seen even from behind.
– Aha!
– And what a delicious butt!
– Aha!
– What’s all that “aha”?
He also says something else.
That takes out a paper and writes on it:
“I can not! My tongue is swollen!”
– Ever since you got married, he has forced you to stop eating sweets, to stop going shopping, to be vegetarian, to learn to save, to listen only to classical music.
I think you are fed up. So I understand why you want a divorce.
– These would not be the reasons, but, in this way, I became a woman much too good for men.
Wife 1: “Honey, why are you looking at your phone instead of sleeping?”
Wife 2: “I’m doing some research. It seems that lesbians who sleep less live longer.”
Therapist: “So what’s the problem, ma’am?”
Girl: “My wife thinks I’m useless”
Therapist: “And what do you think?”
Girl: “Well, look, that’s why I came with her.”
Wife 1: “Where are we going on vacation this year?”
Wife 2: “On a desert island, just the two of us.”
Wife 1: “But what are we doing there?”
Wife 2: “That’s exactly what I hoped you’d tell me.”
Wife 1: “Was it love at first sight when we met?”
Wife 2: “I don’t know for sure about you, but I thought you were hallucinating from lack of sleep.”
Wife 1: “Who is the boss in the house?”
Wife 2: “It depends. Who makes the mistake?”
Wife 1: “Let’s go to the gym together!”
Wife 2: “I can’t, I’m already doing a lot of exercise”
Wife 1: “You?”
Wife 2: “I chase you around the house all day!”
Wife 1 raised an eyebrow at Wife 2, who was reading some lesbian jokes. Wife 2 raises two surprised eyebrows.
Wife 1 raised both eyebrows angrily.
Wife 2 goes to buy milk.
Wife 1 desperately searches for the car keys. Wife 2 is quietly looking at the phone. Wife 1: “Have you seen them?”
Wife 2: “No, but I just read some cool lesbian jokes!”
Wife 1 is reorganizing the library.
Wife 2: “Why are you moving the books again? I knew exactly where they were.”
Wife 1: “Because now you can find them much easier, my dear.”
Wife 2: “But I wasn’t looking for them…”
Lesbian jokes and catchphrases
For bold girls, who know what they want from their partner, we also have some lines to hang on to.
Of course, some are a bit more syrupy, but they will surely manage to raise their smiles.
And further, everything depends only on you.
If I were the last man on earth, we could do it in public, but I’m neither the last nor a man, so you’d better come to my place and read some lesbian jokes and catchy lines together.
Hi! I’m new in town. Do you know how to get to your apartment?
Hi. If you do not have a partner, at what address/number do you receive applications for this position?
If I follow you home, will you keep me in your heart?
Do you know what looks good on you or your arm?
Do you believe in true love, or must I kiss you to convince you that you just met it?
After long prayers, today, your prayers have just been answered!
God sent me to you.
Why did it take you so long to appear in my life?
Hi! My GPS tells me that the search for your perfect partner has just ended.
Do you have time? Because I have the keys to the house.
Will you kiss me and admit that you like me, or do I have to lie on my blog?
I just talked to a guy, and my head hurts a lot do you want to be my pill?
Do you have a watch? I would like to know how many seconds have passed since I fell in love with you!
You know, the ceiling in my room is extremely interesting, it has a mirror mounted on it!
Wouldn’t you like to see it?
Do we have a mutual friend who can do the gluing, or do we manage alone?
I could get you drunk and take advantage of you, but I know it’s wrong.
So, how about you buy me something to drink, get me drunk and take advantage of me?
You are so beautiful that I forgot the clever line I usually use to break the ice…
Do you mind holding my hand while we walk in the park together?
It’s Christmas, and you know what they say now:
Help the needy people, so take me home with you!
What do you like to eat for breakfast?
I’m asking you, so I know what I’m cooking for you tomorrow morning.
Do we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
My brain has stopped working normally since I saw you.
So if I kiss you, it’s just the abnormal reaction you produced!