Jokes of the day, especially for you!
Nothing makes your day better than just starting with a smile. That’s why the jokes of the day that you read over a cup of coffee are the best way to have a lovely day.
Don’t you believe us? Read them, and you will be convinced.
A girl also confesses to her group of friends.
You know that it is said that what you are afraid of, that is why you will not get rid of it.
Now I am afraid to earn more money and lose about 20 pounds.
I also fear a new car, a new fully furnished apartment and a vacation in the Dominican Republic.
Alas, but I’m so scared.
Best joke of the day
It is said:
“The man is from Mars, and the woman is from Venus”.
Thus, in this way, scientists have even shown that Venus is the only planet that rotates against the hands of the clock.
From the cycle of jokes of the day, this time about the logic of the fairer love:
“Because I decided so!
But why I decided so?
I haven’t decided yet!”
I thought long and hard about giving my husband his birthday.
Then, while I was reading the jokes of the day in the morning, the best idea came to me.
I bought a ticket to a spa.
I hope you like it there!
The statement that all women agree with, no matter what time of day it is said:
Know that there are no plump women.
They are just tight clothes!
A newly married blonde explains to her friends what a good choice she could make:
Girls, know that my husband and I have much in common.
He is proud, and I am proud.
He loves me, and I love myself!
According to a group of British researchers, who conducted a study when they were not reading the day’s jokes, it was concluded that there must be equality between men and women.
So she marries him, and he does the rest for her.
What is the difference between feminine and masculine logic?
Perhaps the logic of men is more correct, but there is no doubt that women’s logic is much more interesting.
His wife came home at dawn.
The husband shouts:
– Where have you been?
I didn’t sleep all night!
Tired wife:
– But what do you think?
That I had time to sleep?
– How old are you?
– 21.
– But two years ago you told me the same thing.
– My dear, I am not one of those who say one today and another tomorrow.
– Where are you coming from now, in the middle of the day?
– From women, where else?
– Yeah, sure! You went to Ion again and tried to reinstall Windows, he admits!
A fuller woman also climbs the scales. Next to her is her husband, who is very curious about his kind.
He looks at the needle and then starts laughing.
His wife answers:
– But what did you think?
People with a heart of gold, nerves of iron and steel character like me can’t weigh a little!
Are you looking for the joke of the day?
Great, because today is the best day to read these jokes:
A cicada tells an ant:
- I sing all the summer, all the forest knows me, I am famous, I am the best musician
- Great! I will see what you will do in autumn and winter.
- Today is my day!
- Happy birthday!
Do you know why lions are the kings of the jungle?
Because they have a crown!
Do you know why marriage is the best thing for you?
Me neither.
How do you refuse a proposal of marriage?
Tell him:
I will think about that.
These days, a joke is to go on the street and be yourself with the phone in your hands, headphones, and sadness on your face.
Read this on your cell phone and raise your eyes to the sky.
Two construction workers working on scaffolding at the front of a building talk to each other:
– Tell me, how did you know your wife?
– We were colleagues at the Faculty of Civil Engineering.
– What college?! Stop lying!
I was a maintenance craftsman, and she sold juices at the kiosk!
– Jessica, you smoke?
Since?
– From that night, my husband had returned from the delegation earlier and found a cigar in the ashtray.
– Hello, I want a job.- We have something very well paid, but it’s a lot of work.
– No, thanks. If I have money, I give her the drink.
“Then we have a place where you do not have much work, but it’s badly paid.
– No, because if I have time, I get some money and give her the drink.
Do you not have something to work on all day and be unpaid?
– I’m sorry, but you do not have any higher education.
Clean joke of the day last night, I was at a meeting with a beautiful woman at a restaurant.
Clean my table right now!
I told her that women should not be left to do all the chores in the household: cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, and all that.
– I think the roles should be reversed. I say men should do all the things women do, and women do all the things men do.
“I’m perfectly in agreement,”
she says, smiling.
“Wonderful, I answer them, stretching their payment note.
What would you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers
What’s the most musical part of the chicken?
The drumstick.
What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
A catastrophe.
Knock knock joke of the day
Person 1: Knock-knock.Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Imma.
Person 2: Imma, who?
Person 1: Imma gettin’ tired of waiting. Let me in!
Person 1: Knock-knock.Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Roach.
Person 2: Roach, who?
Person 1: Roach you a letter. Didn’t you get it?
Person 1: Knock-knock. Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Dishes.
Person 2: Dishes who?
Person 1: Dishes a nice place you’ve got here!
What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip!
What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
Funny joke of the day
Two armed men decide to break into a bank and take some hostages inside.
One of them asks the first extremely aggressive hostage:
– Tell me, did you see me rob this bank?
The hostess answers: – Yes.
Without much thought, the thief shoots him in the head, then asks the second hostage the same thing.
The second hostage responds:
– I didn’t see you, sir, but my wife saw you today!
Two old men sat on a bench and looked at passers-by. At one point, a beautiful woman passes through their face. Then, after five minutes, it goes repeatedly until one says:- He sure dies for me.
– I do not think! Ha Ha Ha, but where do you know?
– Well, don’t you see how young she is ?! He has no way of dying before me!
Dad joke of the day
Dad, why are you so bad? Because I look better in that way
Read also the funniest jokes
A man goes to the bank. The lady from the counter asks:- What’s your name, sir?
– John Smith.
– Are you having a discussion problem, sir?
– No, sir, my father had problems, and the clerk was an asshole, so he passed my name.
My best day it’s on a salary day. My worst day it’s the next day.
Today I congratulated my mother-in-law on the occasion of her birthday.
I hated to have part of everything she wanted me to do only as a double, and I don’t understand why she was upset.
We all love the joke of the day!
We like to start the day with a real smile. And how could we achieve this if we read the joke of the day while enjoying a cup of coffee?
That’s why I’ve compiled a selection of a few banks of this kind, only good to make you laugh out loud.
A blonde at the wheel of a girly car hits a slightly more modest car. The driver gets out of the hit car and asks her:
– Did you even pass the test for the license?
– Of course! And unlike you, several times, I didn’t just read the joke of the day!
On the beach, at a fast food kiosk:
– A hot dog, please!
– Here you go!
– You know, my wife took one yesterday and received it without bread…
– It would have been beyond, at the nudist beach! Do you also want a magazine with the joke of the day?
Little Johnny enters a neighborhood store:
– I would like suggestions and complaints, says Little Johnny. I am very satisfied with your store.
– We were happy, sir, said the saleswoman.
But what did you like the most about us?
– The Parisian, my mother-in-law bought it yesterday. She only ate a slice, read the joke of the day, and now she is reanimating.
Two people chat:
– I’m sorry, but I don’t chat with women over 40.
– How do you know I’m over 40?
– You wrote without mistakes and also corrected me when I wrote you the day’s joke.
– Mr. police, I reported my wife’s disappearance to you last week. Well, you can abandon the research.
– Did you find it?
– Not. But in the meantime, I reflected, so I went home and read the day’s joke.
Three children are talking after first telling each joke of the day.
The first says:
– There are 3 of us in the family, and each one has its own fully furnished room.
The second says:
– There are 5 of us in the family, and everyone has their own racing bike!
Third:
– You are some suckers!
There are 7 of us in the family, and everyone has their father.
Johnny, curious by nature, also asks Mike, his friend who married a second time:
– How are you?
– Eh, what can I say? The same virus, different strain, only the joke of the day that I read in the morning remains constant!
The owner of a construction company talks to the mayor of the city:
– I have a new Mercedes at the company, which no one uses. I was thinking of giving it to you as a present.
– No, not at all! I can’t receive such expensive gifts.
– In this case, I could sell it to you for 100 euros.
– Eh, then I would like to buy two, and one for my wife!
A friend sees Johnny:
– Why are you upset?
– Because of my wife.
– Did he do something to you?
– Be careful! A neighbor gave me an expensive vase to keep.
– And what does your wife have to do with this?
– He entered the room shouting the joke of the day he had read, and the vase fell from my hand.
– My dear, do you know what I read in your eyes?
– What baby?
– That you want to marry me.
– So you have reached 30 years old and you don’t know how to read?
Joke of the day, so you can begin your day well
At the point when you just awakened, a hot mug of espresso is all you really want to get the energy you want. We go somewhat further and… outbid.
It is likewise important to peruse the joke of the day, so a positive state of mind shows up. Furthermore, you know how they say that a decent day is known toward the beginning of the day, correct?
Little Johnny boasts to Mike:
– After years, I finally figured out how to find my better half’s Sweet spot.
– What’s more, where could he have been?
– Little Johnny had stowed away him with his sister!
Two blondies were likewise examining the joke of the day over some espresso:
– Listen, dear, I went bartering with my better half the previous evening!
– Indeed!? Furthermore, how much would he say he proposed to you?
For what reason do the Chinese utilize the basic great?
Since the Chinese are awesome and basic simultaneously.
How, in all actuality, do individuals from America drive flies out of the house?
I make an opening in the wall and put the cow’s tail in there, and they loosen up, perusing the joke of the day.
On board the Titanic, there was a man from Niagara. When the boat sank, he bounced into a raft and began paddling.
He was distant from everyone else in the boat. At a certain point, somebody on the boat yelled:
– You mongrels! Return since there are still ladies and kids here!
To the American:
-For what reason do I have a consuming sensation now?
A minister makes sense of in religion class:
– God made Adam, and with a rib from Adam, he made Eve.
– Father, an understudy, hinders him. Father says that we are playing with monkeys.
– Tune in, says the generally exhausted cleric, the instance of your family doesn’t especially intrigue me.
I’m talking overall.
A young lady, at admission:
– Father, I trespassed with the minister from the adjoining ward.
– Apologies sharply, my girl, quick for seven days, you are not even permitted to peruse the joke of the day in the first part of the day, and next time recall that this is your ward!
At Radio Virgin, a driver inquires:
– Could a car at any point take a 90-degree bend at a speed of 120 kilometers each hour?
– Obviously, yet just a single time.
On Radio Virgin, another audience inquires:
– How could you respond when the specialist denies you to move toward vodka at any point?
– Is it hard to have an independent perspective?
You utilize the straw.
At Radio Virgin, the accompanying inquiry is posed:
– At what age is a man considered a grown-up and can do what he needs?
– We don’t have the foggiest idea how to respond to you.
Nobody has arrived at this age.
Yet, we will involve your inquiry for the joke segment of the day!
Two police officers at a candy parlor sit before a mirror. One of them says:
– See, all things considered, two associates of our own! How about we welcome them.
– Great, says the other, standing up.
To which different does:
Stand by a moment, savvy fellow. Don’t you see that they likewise need to come to us!
Assuming that a lady lets you know that you are correct, that is called mockery, and she just made the joke of the day with you.
– Hello, I heard you got hitched. How is everything turning out?
– When I don’t see my horns, everything is perfect!
– Honey, I’m a few days late. I didn’t think of that thing.
You know what I mean.
– Now sleep, tomorrow morning, after I read the joke of the day, I’ll call the courier service!
Today’s women and men do not marry each other out of love but out of hatred.
He hates loneliness, and she hates poverty, but they both like to read the joke of the day in the morning!
– Where do you work?
– Nowhere but you?
– Still there!
Two friends also discuss:
– Do you still know Little Johnny?
The one who was committed to the insane asylum.
-Yes, but what about him?
-He got married recently!
– The poor thing! It means that he was not completely healed when they discharged him!
A young man went to a wise old man to help him with some advice.
– Sage, I came to you because I desire to live forever. So what exactly do I have to do?
– Get married!
– And then? Will I live forever?
– No, it’s just that you won’t have this desire at all.
How did it come to the conclusion that Santa Claus is a man?
– Simple. No woman wears the same clothes every year.
– Doctor, I can’t see in the distance!
– Do you see the sun?
– Yes.
– Well, isn’t that enough?
– What object does the shape of Italy suggest to you?
Asks the geography teacher in class.
– A rubber boot, answers Bula.
– But why exactly rubber?
– Because it sits in the water.
She: I sent the child 3 hours ago to take Sharma, and he didn’t return.
What do we do?!
Him: Hmm, I was just reading the joke of the day.
Shall we order some pizzas, then?
Mother-in-law:
– If you hate me so much, why would you take a picture of me on the fireplace?
Son-in-law:
– To remind me that when I read the joke of the day in the armchair, to get as far away from the fire as possible!
At the pharmacy:
– Give me something for intestinal worms!
– For adults or for children?
– They are worms! I don’t know how old they are
Joke of the day, of the season:
She said:
– The heat has come.
He panicked:
– God, how much?!
On the hospital bed, the doctor asks the patient:
– Are you the patient saved from the fire?
– Yes!
– Well, how come you have more fractures than burns!
– They extinguished me with a shovel.
Two Japanese men in the North Station ask how long the train is to
London City:
– 14 hours.
Then the two Japanese said in wonder:
– This means, brother, that London is bigger than China!
A guy’s wife is kidnapped.
The phone rings, and the kidnappers are obviously on the other end of the line:
– If you don’t bring us the money in two hours, we’ll bring it back to you!
Wife: In this day if you’re going to make me angry, I will go to the training courses:
“How to become a shrew!”
Husband: Wow, you got hired as a teacher and didn’t tell me anything?
Two blondes also discuss the phenomena of nature:
– Why do you think the morning wind is so cold?
– Because he stayed out all night, she answers.
A girl, somewhat fuller, comes out of the fitting room with a jacket in her hand:
– It’s too small for me, he says.
– What’s wrong with you? Asked her partner. Cabin or jacket?
Joke of the day, always immortal!
How could you start your day better than by reading the joke of the day? For many of us, it is the perfect way to prepare for a day full of challenges, so we have a few such benches for you!
Joke of the day for dads
After long research, British scientists have found the perfect diet for women, with guaranteed results:
They are only allowed to eat on the days they have love!
Two spouses:
– Darling, this year, we celebrate 25 years of marriage. We will celebrate the “Silver Wedding”!!
– Darling, let’s wait another five years, and we can celebrate the “30-year war”! Now let me read the dad joke of the day!
Joke of the day for work
An announcement that you wish you would never hear while on the plane:
– Dear passengers, the pilot of the plane is speaking to you.
I am working from home today.
How do those who work from home talk to each other:
I washed a car full of pajamas, so I have enough clean clothes for work next week.
It’s not true that I don’t want to work.
My mother always told me I couldn’t do anything if I sat on the couch.
And yet, this is how I save the world, lying on the sofa and reading the day’s joke for work.
Joke of the day kids
A child also complains:
– The math is terrible: it’s the only place where people buy 64 melons, 38 chickens and 67 donkeys, and no one asks why they do this!
– What is the most beautiful childhood memory?
– That I had no bills to pay and was still laughing at the kid’s joke of the day.
-At a teacher’s party, I wanted to break the ice and joke about chemistry, but I didn’t get any reaction.
Adult joke of the day:
How do you know you are pregnant without taking the test?
You just realized that you forgot to change the batteries in the vibrator for a month!
Before, fathers wanted the first child to be a boy.
Now, they desperately want it to be theirs.
How to drink red wine? Red wine is drunk with bare skin… because it is known to stain.
Simply, the best jokes to start the day.
Two drunks talk to each other:
– And as I was walking quietly towards the house, suddenly I felt someone stepping on my hand.
Every slice of bread hides the sad story of an ear of wheat that could have become a good beer!
British scientists have just discovered that a glass of red wine is equivalent to an hour of exercise.
That’s how I found out, at 60 years old, that I was a performance athlete.
Today I decided not to eat at lunch. I am on a diet.
The “I only have $ 10 left until payday” diet.
A father educates his son:
– My dear, if a woman tells you you are right, know that that is sarcasm.
Honey, I’m a few days late. That thing didn’t come to me.
You know what I mean.
– Well, keep calm. We’re getting along tomorrow morning.
I’ll call the courier service!
Today’s women and men no longer marry for love but for hate. He hates loneliness. She hates poverty.