Jew jokes top favorites of everyone!
How many Jewish jokes do you know?
There are many jokes and memes about the less positive qualities of some people.
That’s why we have joked with Italians, Irish, French and not only, but a category is special, and you certainly know what we are talking about.
Jewish culture is rich in history, tradition and, of course, humor.
Jews are known for their intelligence, their lively spirit and their ability to laugh even in the face of challenges.
Jewish jokes have become an integral part of their culture and are appreciated for their clever charm and ability to bring smiles to the faces of those who hear them.
Funny Jew jokes
Exactly, it’s about Jewish jokes, which no one can say they don’t know at least one of.
So, if you want to find more jokes about Jews that will make you laugh out loud, you must read the selection below.
You have a selection of the best Jew jokes you will love to tell others.
Maria on a table at a famous restaurant:
– Itzik, I have to confess something to you. I want you to marry me.
– Why do you want that?
– Because we have been in a friendly relationship for 30 years and we have 3 kids
– Oh, I will think about that.
– What do the Jews do in the summer with high temperatures outside?
– They get closer to the beach
– And if the outside is very, very hot?
– They enter in water
An American, a German, a Jew, and a black were starving in the jungle.
At one point, from a tree, a killer falls on the American.
Scarbit throws it back on the floor.
The nation casts the Jew on the Jew, the Jew on the black.
Hungry, the black man takes it and eats it. Finally, after a quarter of an hour, another American falls.
The Jew hurries, takes it, and asks the black man:
Don’t you want a man?
Now, without Jewish jokes, do you know the difference between a wealthy man and a poor one?
A: The poor man drives that red convertible Ferrari alone.
How do Jews spend their birthday?
With a party full of delicious free food and of course, a long and emotional speech about the importance of the day that no one listens to!
Why are Jews so good at arguing?
Because every discussion is like a war of words, and they are ready to win every battle!
How do you know that a Jew is at a party?
He’s there in the crowd, sharing stories and telling Jewish jokes to distract from the snack bowl!
What does a Jew say when he is hungry?
“Don’t worry, I still have a sandwich from the mothball in my coat pocket from last year!”
What does a Jew do when he has a craving for something sweet?
He goes to the next door neighbor and starts telling Jewish jokes to get some chocolates! And the best, it really works!
How do you know that a Jew is having a good day?
He just ran for the taxi and saved 5 dollars!
Why are Jews so good at dancing?
What does a Jew do when he sees a special offer?
He rushes to buy everything until he knows all his friends!
Funny meme with Jews
A jew makes a racist-friendly joke.
How do you know if a jew is a jew?
He is a banker
A man consults his astrologer and asks him when he will die.
He, after analyzing all the data, tells him:
– You will pass on a Jewish holiday!
– How is that possible?
– Well, any day you die, the Jews will all celebrate!
What is love?
A notion invented by the Jews to express your feelings.
Who invented the wire?
Two friends, a Jew and a Scot, found a penny in front of the house.
How many Jewish jokes are there?
Not even one, all are real facts.
Make love, not racism.
Three Jews started a business, but the problem was that they had shops nearby.
Full of ideas, the first one puts on his store a huge poster that says:
“Here you find the best quality products!”.
The second one has not been left out anymore, and his poster says:
“Here they are bought at the lowest prices!”.
The third did not invest much in his sign, so he does not have too many words:
“This is where you enter!”
An alien lands on Earth. He is small, green and dressed in gold, and he meets a Jew at one point.
Surprised, the novel asks the alien:
– Are you all that small there?
– Yes.
– Are you all green?
– Yes.
– Are you all dressed in gold?
– Not all, Jews and others
Moses returns from the mountain with the commandments and speaks to his people:
– I have two news items for you, one good and one bad. Fortunately, the Creator was willing to negotiate, and in the end, only ten commandments remained on the list.
The bad news is that
“Don’t cheat on your partner” has remained unchanged.
A collection of dark Jewish humor that will make you a happy day.
Bad but friendly Jew jokes
Why did the Jews miss 40 years in the desert?
Moses had lost his wallet.
Regarding the best banks, there is no doubt in the “Jew jokes” chapters.
Everyone will know at least one.
There is almost no party where no poems are said, and the words “Jew jokes” are on everyone’s lips.
There are so many Jew jokes that no one really knows their number, and they are all excellent.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because the air is still free!
– Everyday pots, pots, pots! Can’t you spoil something else?
It complains, exasperated by the culinary “talents” of his wife.
– I tried, darling, but I don’t know how to do that every time I still get pots. In the end…
Itic asks the novelist Ion:
– Do you hear more, John?
What is the difference between a Jew and a Jew, as it is not clear to me that I see that there are both jokes with Jews and jokes with Jews?
– It’s very simple, the Jew is the decent man who lends us money, and the Jew is the disliker who asks us back the borrowed money.
The Transylvanian at school tells the teacher that he wants to learn Hebrew. Teacher:
“Why Jewish?” Have you read any jokes about Jews and want to make fun of them in their language?
– No, God forbid! Well, when I die and go to Heaven, I want to be able to talk to God.
– And what do you do if you end up in Hell?
– Well, it’s not bad. I know people well!
For 60 years, an old man went daily to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.
A CNN reporter also hears about this old man and decides to interview him.
She reaches the Wall and finds out who the old man is.
He was just praying, so the journalist was waiting for him to finish.
After 45 minutes, the old man finishes his prayer, and the reporter approaches him to interview him.
– Excuse me, I’m a CNN reporter, and my name is Rebecca Smith.
What is your name?
– Moritz Fishbein.
– Since when do you come to the Wailing Wall?
– About 60 years old.
– For 60 years! And what are you praying for?
– I pray that Jews, Christians and Muslims will live in peace.
I pray that there will be no more wars and that hatred between people will disappear.
I pray there is no famine anywhere in the world.
– And how do you feel after 60 years?
– It’s like talking on the walls…
The cashier of the synagogue had run out of money to deal with.
Even in the mercy box, there was no more than an old coin and many spider webs.
Exasperated, he thinks about what to do and, fortunately, has a saving idea.
The next morning he put a notice on the door of the synagogue:
– A married woman in the neighborhood has an affair with an unmarried man.
I’ll have to reveal his name to everyone if a $ 100 bill doesn’t show up in the poor man’s box by tomorrow morning.
The next day he found in the box of the poor 30 banknotes of $ 100, plus one of $ 50, with a note attached:
“Postpone until tomorrow to get money!”
A guy at confession:
– Father, I am a great sinner.
I tricked a Jew.
– Son, this is not a sin!
It’s a miracle!
It is said that, in fact, they also speak at their parties the best and newest Jew jokes, but we cannot say with certainty.
However, when you hear “Jew jokes,” you start to laugh.
It means that you are in the right place.
Jewish jokes that are always immortal
If there is any category of jokes where everyone laughs out loud every time, then it is about Jew jokes.
Two Jews are also talking:
– Gasoline has become more expensive again.
I’m tired of buying it again!
– And what’s your business, that you’re the only one who doesn’t have a car?
– I don’t have it, that’s right, but I have the lighter!
On Israel’s national television, during the evening news, the announcer makes a very important announcement:
“Yesterday, a raccoon escaped from the zoo in Tel Aviv.
All those who saw him around town are invited to pay ten shekels at the zoo’s cashier zoo.”
A Jew gives life lessons to his son:
– Son, if you find a $500 and $50 bill, which one do you take?
– On the 500, father!
– Look, that’s why many Jew jokes are made about us. So why don’t you take both?
Johnny, the owner of a pawn shop, is dying. By mistake, a Catholic priest arrives at his bedside with a cross, which he brings closer to the dying man’s eyes.
Leib opens his eyes for a moment and, at the sight of the golden cross, tells him with his last words:
– I can’t offer you more than three hundred!
Mike, at school, in math class:
– Be careful here: you have six apples.
How much are you left with if you give half to your brother?
– With five and a half, was his answer.
A Jew commits to meet God at the judgment:
– How did you allow yourself to commit this sin? Don’t you know that it is forbidden to commit a sin
– Well, you see, God, I have raised the interest rate.
– Oh, ok
– And what did you do in this case, God?!?
– What could I do?
So decrease it.
How do you know that a Jew is happy?
Hold a banknote in your hand!
How do you know that a Jew is in love?
She writes her partner a long and emotional letter on the back of the Hannukah card he gave her!
How do Jews spend their late summer nights?
With a walk under the starry sky, looking at the stars… because it’s free!
Jew best jokes
What does a Jew say when you ask him how his birthday was?
“It’s like running a marathon – I survived, but I can’t wait to get to the finish line and open the presents!”
Why are Jews so fond of reading?
They heard that on the pages of some books, there are some hidden banknotes!
Why are Jews so good at telling stories?
Because every time he invents a different ending!
How do you know that a Jew is at a charity event?
He is there, collecting funds and rolling his eyes!
Why are Jews so good at the organization?
Because Moses told them so!
Why are Jews so good at memory games?
Because they remember every time they lent you and how much money they gave you!
What does a Jew do when he has a bad day?
He puts on his kippah, heads to the synagogue… but first he takes out some money from the bank, so he has something to count when he prays!
– What do Jews do when they are hot while reading Jewish jokes?
– Approaching the ventilator.
– And when they are very, very, very hot?
– They start an air conditioning
How do you know that a man was adopted?
He is that Jew who likes women more than money…
Why are dollars green?
Because the Jews in the United States pick them all before they are ripe…
What is a Perpetuum mobile?
He is a Scotsman running after a Jew who owes him 10 cents from five years ago.
It is impossible to know them all, but they will never disappoint you.
We tried to offer you some of the best Jewish jokes, which we invite you to read in the lines below!