Irish jokes you probably didn’t know
For centuries, there has been a great rivalry between the Irish and the English.
No wonder, then, that there are quite a few Irish jokes.
Do you know any?
If not, no problem, because the following lines are perfect for keeping you updated with the funniest of them.
– How do three Irish people change a light bulb?
– One climbs on the table and holds the light bulb with his left hand, and the other two starts drinking dark beer until the table, and then the room starts to spin faster.
Funny irish jokes
Every time Patrick, a true Irishman, drank a few glasses of beer in the neighborhood pub, he would take a black kitten out of his coat pocket, put it on the counter, and start looking at it insistently.
But when I start seeing two, then I have to do something.
– What?
– Like what? Take them both and put them in your pocket, then go home, and I will start reading Irish jokes that make me wake up drunk there.
Irish jokes short one liners
– Why is it forbidden in Ireland to step on the grass?
– Because there are probably many clovers, and no one is willing to trample their luck!
How do two Irishmen realize – because one has no way, that summer has arrived?
The rain gets much warmer.
Saint Patrick Jokes
What is Saint Patrick’s day, it’s favorite for Irish people?
Because they drink with friends
Why is Saint Patrick associated with a green midget?
Because is funny
Why, at Saint Patrick, those who find a clover it’s the lucky person?
Because it’s hard to find.
The bartender said to Patrick:
Hey, dude! Your glass is empty.
Can I bring you another one?
Surprised, Patrick replied: Brother, I really don’t understand you at all, these people from England. Why would I need two empty glasses? We only use one in the Irish!
One night, an Irishman who drank too much was driving home and, of course, the car was moving from one side of the road to the other.
A policeman – English, of course, stops him.
“So, where do you come from?”
– From the pub, obviously, deceive the drunkard.
– Well, you know you kind of drank tonight.
“Of course,” replied the drunkard proudly.
– But do you know that your wife fell out of the car at the last corner?
“Oh, thank God,” the drunk exclaimed.
I thought I drank so much that I became deaf.
– What do you get if you cross a German with an Irishman?
– It is one of the best combinations because you have a man willing at any time to carry out orders but too drunk to do so.
Irish Jokes for kids
What tell little kids about Irish?
That they are happy people
An Irishman arrives at an English hotel:
– What prices do you have for the rooms?
– 20 pounds on the 1st floor, 15 on the 2nd floor, 10 on the 3rd floor and 5 on the 4th floor.
– Does your hotel have ten floors?
Irish jokes short
Finally, unable to resist his curiosity, the bartender asked him why he was doing this.
“Well, my dear, but it’s very simple,” Patrick says. As long as I only see one cat, everything is fine.
Why are Irish so red?
Because they have winds
Talk to two Irish people:
– One day, I will become a rich man… I will buy a dozen swarms of bees.
In the morning at dawn, I let them go in the park next to my house so that they can make honey while I sit and laugh while I read what other Irish jokes those impatient Englishmen invent.
– But the park only opens at 9…
– Yes, I realized, but I know a hole in the fence