What does a dirty man do to clean himself?
He’s going to the shower!
Why is the earth dirty?
Because it’s dirt!
What makes a joke dirty?
The way you say it!
What is big, black and resistant?
A big stick!
How does a child manage to be funny?
It’s himself!
Why do people stand in line at a good restaurant?
Because they have a few meals at the restaurant, so dirty!
How do you get along with a bad boss at work?
You tell him that you will only come to work tomorrow and he will take over your duties!
Why are there people who smell in public transport?
Because some people don’t wash often.
What do a plate decorated by a child and a plate decorated by a chef have in common?
They both look dirty. Only the chef looks more organized.
Have you noticed how good ripped jeans look these days?
Wait to see the dirty jeans!
How do you tell a dog to make a dead man?
You tell him you won’t feed him for a week if he doesn’t listen.
What does a good cat look like?
Its owner has no traces of scratches, at least not from the cat’s dirty.
A man enters a bar and asks for a cold beer, and the waiter asks if he wants something else.
Yes!
What can I do for you, sir?
Shut up and bring me the ordered beer faster!
Why does the shaved animal laugh?
Because it’s funny
We hope these dirty jokes have improved your day, and we invite you to explore other jokes that will make you laugh until your cheeks ache.
An old man who also came from the market gets on the tram, puts his bag on a chair and hurries to compost his ticket.
After composting his ticket, he inadvertently sits on the chair directly over the bag.
– Oh my God! Mixed eggs! Mixed eggs! The old man begins to shout.
– Oh, did you have eggs in the bag? An old woman asks curiously.
– Not. One kilogram of nails.
A five-year-old boy, after just listening to the good night story:
– Mom, I want to have five wives when I grow up! One will cook, another will sing, the third will bathe me, the fourth will tell me adult jokes…
– And one will put you to bed to sleep, says my mother, smiling.
– No, mother, I will always sleep only with you!
My mother’s eyes filled with tears.
– May God bless you, my son! But who will sleep with your five wives?
– Let them sleep better with my father!
Her father’s eyes filled with tears.
– May God bless you, son!
Did you see what happened to Johnny? As in those adult jokes, he always told us:
he found his wife in bed with his boyfriend and had a big problem. He didn’t know who should be punished more: his wife or boyfriend.
My father remembers the days when he was little: – At school, I studied badly, and I told many adult jokes, so my mother was often called to the principal. Then I started to study better, and my mother and the principal had to look for another place.
Why will a dirty hand not be beheld by anyone? Because you prove that you work.
Why do women prefer to make love with you using a condom?
Because they want to get a dirty pun.
How did you tell if a person is a maniac about cleaning their house? You enter directly with your shoes in their house, and you will see that they will scream! A dirty joke starts with a good story.
Dirty jokes have to be clean to understand those who listen.
If you want a dirty job, go to sewerage.
Can you say to a woman that smells? Just try and tell us the result.
Q: What is the difference between your wife & your job?
A: After five years, your job is still.
Q: What do you call a crying man while he is enjoying himself? A: A tearjerker.
Q: Why are feathers the easiest thing in the world? A: Even thoughts can lift them.
Funny jokes dirty
Everyone appreciates a good joke. And when it comes to their subject, no one is not covered. And, although many consider them shameful, there are also dirty jokes, only good to say over a glass of conversation between good friends. So, if you like it too, we have a selection of some dirty puns for you that you may not have known.
At the women’s prison, at the evening call, the director announces to them, smiling Machiavellian, the detainees bored with life:
– Girls, I have two pieces of news for you: one bad and one good.
Which do you want me to start with?
– Hmm, say the good one. Dirty puns too
– Tomorrow, at noon, we’ll give you carrots
– Great! And what’s that bad?
– In the form of a salad
Q: What does an atheist say when she has an orgasm?
A: Darwin! Oh, Darwin!
What do men do after they have love?
– 5% return to the other side and fall asleep in the log until morning;
– 10% light a cigarette and then read some funny dirty jokes on the net;
– The remaining 85% get dressed and go home…
Two nymphomaniac friends also meet for coffee:
– Honey, I bought a state-of-the-art electronic watch.
– Why? Was the old clock not working well?
– Yes, but I’m tired of languages. Now I want numbers too.
Two sultans are talking:
How do you choose the evening of your thirty bedding to sleep with?
– Eh, simple, I do as my father taught me:
I throw a bucket of cold water over them and I choose the one from which the most steam comes out!
– I really want you to show me the recommendation, says the personnel director, addressing a young lady running for secretary.
– Okay, right away, but what do we do if someone comes in?
– Where do you think you are, sir? That you are on the net reading dirty puns? Get your hand off my knee faster, a young woman exclaimed indignantly in the movie theater.
“Well, then, where do I put it?”
– Shall I teach you? A little higher, what the hell!
Question on Radio XXX:
-What happens to someone who only takes half a Viagra pill?
-No problem, it’s just that the first half is up, and the rest hangs
At a castle, somewhere in Scotland.
Intrigued, the wife whispers innappropriate to her husband:
– Honey, it’s past midnight, and young McGregor is still in the living room with our daughter.
She sits on his knees and they haven’t even turned on the light since nightfall. Don’t you think you should step in dirty?
– Know that I like lad! So save electricity and use a single chair instead of two to tell the girls a few squeaks.
– Hello, do you have number zero bras?
– Ma’am, for pimples like this, please come to the pharmacy for an ointment to use dirty!
Two sperm meet, and one of them has a plaster head.
– But what did you suffer, little parlor dirty?
– I have no idea, last night I think it was an earthquake, after which I woke up hit by the tiles in the bathroom and I don’t know anything
Inappropriate joke
Q: What is the difference between a girl o a man?
A: They can wash their crack and sell it again.
Why are you so inappropriate?
Because I can
Q: How do you name an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter pound of cheese
Q: Why didn’t the toilet paper get in the way?
A: It got stuck in a crack
Q: How did King Burger get pregnant with the dairy queen?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper!
Dirty puns to say at a party. Why is the wine so cheap here?
Best dirty jokes
Two friends are talking.
– Tell me what it’s like to be married.
– Terrible! I am not allowed to drink anything or be late, and I cannot turn my head on the street after anything.
– I think you regret that you chose to marry.
– I would, but that’s not what I’m allowed to do dirty.
How does a man look to you as he makes plans for the future? He comes home with two cans of beer instead of one.
Jokes dirty for kids
An exasperated man and the village of bachelor life ask the help of friends on this issue.
One day a friend advises him:
– You are behind me with bad technology. You can easily find your wife with internet access if you place an ad on the right sites.
With one last hope, the man follows the advice he received from his friend and posts a dirty ad on a dating site with the following message:
“30-year-old man, who does not want to be a bachelor, very patient and loving. I’m looking for a wife!”
The next day, he noticed that he received hundreds of responses to the announcement:
“Please be nice or dirty. Take mine!”
How do misogynists use the verb “to brake”?
I’m French
You’re French
He brakes
She… comes and hits us.
Why are you so dirty? Because I want to make a joke with you
Ha, ha, ha
Throw your clothes right now!
The most inspiring dirty jokes
All of us know some dirty jokes that make us laugh every time.
And, although it is not very advisable to say them in public, nothing can prevent us from reading them and having fun ourselves.
Therefore, the following can only be to your liking.
– Doctor, I don’t know what else to do: my wife is a nymphomaniac. Every night she goes to a bar, grabs the first man who comes her way and has love with him!
What should I do in this case?
– Relax and try to calm down. Good! Now, while you sit and calm down in the office and read some dirty jokes to me, tell me exactly where this bar is.
A nymphomaniac also goes to a psychologist.
The doctor recommends:
– Please take a seat on the sofa over there.
Nymphomaniac, downright delighted:
– Wow, doctor, what a professional you are. You realized so quickly what I was missing!
– What is a nymphomaniac?
– She is a woman who thinks about love as much as a normal man and doesn’t waste time reading dirty jokes…
What is the difference between a dirty game with your husband and one with your lover?
– About half an hour ahead of the last one.
On the night of the wedding, the groom, in a good mood and a little touched by the joy of the moment, says to his best friend:
– Do you bet the bride is still the same after the wedding?
He doesn’t even have time to answer because the bride hears and quickly intervenes to clarify things:
– You didn’t even get married well, and you’ve already started throwing money out the window?!
One night, John and Maria, newly married, were also talking:
– Ma, John, tell the dirty truth, who did you have before me?
– On Anca.
– Only her?
– On Paulina, Lena, Roxana…
– You know I’m jealous.
– Leave. Without such things, you’d better be happy you’re the only one qualified for the final.
The director, a curmudgeonly and very demanding guy:
Tell me, young lady, how are you doing on the computer? He asks the young aspiring secretary.
– I do not know. I haven’t tried it on the computer yet.
The postman knocks on a blonde’s door, to which the blonde asks from behind the dirty door:
– Who is there?
– Post!
– How many exactly?
A blonde’s husband returns from the delegation and finds a naked guy in bed reading a magazine with dirty jokes.
Nervous, he opens the closet and says:
– How many times do I have to tell you, woman? He has to hide, not you!
Good friends, a blonde, and a brunette, were walking in a dirty field.
At one point, the blonde says:
– Here’s a head of a well-rolled fan!
Ah, yes, I remembered here I rolled dirty with George!
After a while, the brunette also says:
– Here’s another head of a well-made fan!
Ah, yes, it’s the place where I rolled with George!
After a few moments, the blonde returns:
– Here’s another one! This time, it is the one that Johnny fell on alone when he discovered I have syphilis!
Two blondes, good friends, also go to the disco.
A good-looking guy approaches muscles and tattoos and invites one of them to dance. While dancing, the girl asks him:
– You are a bit pale. Why don’t you go to the beach more often, let the sun catch you?
– Now I’m out of the home.
– And why were you there?
– I kiss my wife.
After dancing dirty, the blonde turns to her friend:
– Imagine, girl, he is not married!